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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29322969">Pen Pals</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timeless221/pseuds/Timeless221'>Timeless221</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:15:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29322969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timeless221/pseuds/Timeless221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shelby and Toni have been social media friends for years. When Shelby finds out Toni has moved and to her city in Texas. She find out the feelings she has can't be ignored anymore. But conflicts ensue and feelings become more complicated. Will they end up together? Or will Shelby’s parents have something to say about it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dot Campbell/Mateo, Fatin Jadmani &amp; Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. New School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys! This is my first ever fic so I'm testing the waters. I do want honest constructive criticism. I hope you enjoy this first chapter. Some things have changed from the description of the fic but hopefully I can change the description still. I'll be seeing how people like this if they really do I'll set a schedule to uploads if not I'll probably just update whenever so let me know if you like it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Happy anniversary!!!) Shelby sends a morning message to Toni. </p><p>(Anniversary?) Toni replys. </p><p>(We’ve been texting for four years today) Shelby says feeling a little sad Toni doesn’t remember. </p><p>(Wow that’s pretty long High school relationships have nothing on us) Shelby laughs at this. Although her and Andrew have been together for six years now.</p><p>(Yup have a good day today got to go Andrews waiting outside.) </p><p>Shelby hurries out the door to Andrews blue pick up truck. They usually wouldn’t be going in the same car. Shelby likes to drive herself in the morning to get focused and start her day but her mom needed to use her car today because her father is going to work early. Shelby goes to school early every day because she leads the morning announcements. She has for the 3 years she’s been in high school.</p><p>“Hey baby” Andrew says as she hops into the passenger seat. “Hi good morning” she’s leans over and give him a peck on the cheek. They go to school in silence. Neither of them have been very talkative when it came to each other. </p><p>Once they arrive at school she’s greeted by Dot and Fatin. Dot has been her best friend since little league soccer and Fatin moved next door to dot two years ago. </p><p>“Hey Shelby how’s it hanging.” Dot says and goes to give her a hug. Shelby rolls her eyes and hugs her back. “Why are you to here so early today?” Shelby says a little confused. “Well I came here to see the football players practice and dot tagged along” Fatin says. “We got some breakfast together and I came because you needed a ride.” Dot says while looking at Fatin who is laughing. “Yep I did and your my chauffeur.” Fatin teases. “Just because I drive you once. You wouldn’t be able to drive if your life depended on it.” Dot throws back. “Stop flirting come on I need to make sure everyone’s got there lines.” Shelby grabs their wrist waving bye to Andrew who went off to talk to his friends and isn’t even paying attention. </p><p>~~~~~<br/>
Toni woke up sore from moving boxes yesterday. Moving was so much harder with so much stuff. She has moved a lot of times but she only had so much. When Martha and her family said they would be moving she didn’t think it would be this hard.Today she was going to her new school. Something she would be dreading if Martha wasn’t going to be there with her. </p><p>Martha is like a sister; For a very long time it had just been Toni all alone but when she got put with her last foster family she met Martha at school. They had been friends for 2 years before she finally found out Toni was being beaten by her foster mom. When the situation got really bad Martha’s parents took Toni in as there own. They were her chosen family. The people she trusted the most. </p><p>“Morning sleepy head.” Martha peers through the door looking at Toni amused. “Hey you would be the same way if you did all that heavy lifting.” Martha rolls her eyes and goes to the bathroom to get ready. Toni looks at her phone smiling when seeing a text from Shelby but looking at the time before reading it. 6:30 perfect school starts in a hour. </p><p>She text Shelby back she’s talking about how long it’s been since they met which Toni remember but pretends not to. Toni gets up from her bed. She’s glad to finally have a room to herself. She doesn’t want to sound ungrateful but Marty’s snoring was really out of control. </p><p>Pulling on a hoodie over her basket ball jersey and pulling in some sweatpants she goes to the bathroom with Martha to brush her teeth and hair. She then walks out into the living room which is more of a empty mess of boxes with a couch in the middle right now. </p><p>“Good morning girls” Martha’s mom greets. Kissing Martha and Toni on the head. Her dad is digging into some eggs and toast. “Come sit at our makeshift table and eat some breakfast.” Martha laughs at her father eating using boxes as a table and a lawn chair. “That table is taking a long time to get here.” He says to his wife when she brings him coffee. </p><p>Toni eats fast ready to get to school already. She thinks it won’t be to bad. A fresh new start with people who don’t know about her parents leaving her or her angry outburst or Reagan behind her. </p><p>Once Martha is finally done eating she drives both of them to there new school.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Face to Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you guys like this I posted it on Wattpad before posting it here but I like reading fic on here so it will probably be updated here more. My Wattpad is the same name as this if you want to follow it as well. I will be using Wattpad to give updates on when I’ll be posting. Hope you enjoy! Let me know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni and Martha arrive at there new school. It’a bigger than Toni thought she was use to smaller schools but this one was twice as big as her and Martha’s last one. “You ready for this Marty?” “No mom didn’t let me have coffee today. I’m gonna die.” Toni laughs at how over dramatic Martha’s being. “Wait do we have classes together?” They look over there schedules and notice they only have 5th period together. “No I have to go basically the whole day without you.” Toni whines. “At least we have 5th period.” Martha says “Until then” Martha says dramatically and Toni just noticed there already in the school and people are heading to class. “Great we’re am I suppose to go.” Toni tried to find her way around. The school is still way to crowded for being big.<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
“.... sports applications for the winter season will accepted for two more weeks. All students wanting to participate must turn applications in by then. And last but not least the we will be having tater tots and pizza for lunch today. Have a great day sharks!” </p><p>Shelby was finished with the announcements for the day. “Alright your free to go Mrs.Goodkind” Mrs. Aubrey said. Shelby walked to class. She liked not having to push through the crowd when everyone was rushing to class. It was much more calming walking alone in the morning. She was surprised to seem a girl out of class. She was walking up to her when she suddenly walked into a classroom. Shelby confused continued on her way to her own class. She wondered who that girl was.<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Toni practically ran into her class being late was normal for her but she wanted to make a good impression. She didn’t really know why she in her last school she was just the basket ball player that sat in the back and wrote her phone number on small pieces of paper and handed them out to girls.</p><p>Class was normal it was math which she was surprisingly good at. Classes went on and on and felt like forever until finally the lunch bell rang she went out in search for Marty.</p><p>Toni put her phone away when she spot Marty in line for lunch. Toni’s stomach hurts thinking about that pizza. School lunches have always grossed her out. “Hey Marty getting some slop I see.” Martha fails to suppress her laugh. “ I’m sure it’s not that bad.”</p><p>Toni gets distracted looking at a girl she thinks she recognizes. She walks away from Marty who is in the middle of talking about how she hopes the pizza doesn’t have pepperoni to follow the girl. She has long blonde hair that is in a high ponytail and is holding some tall guys hand. Her heart almost stops when she knows why she recognizes her. It’s Shelby. The Shelby she has been internet friends with for 4 years now. The Shelby who she thought lived in El Paso and instead lives in Brownsville. The Shelby she has had a huge crush on.<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Shelbys phone is being blow up by somebody right now. She doesn’t have time to check it though. She’ll check it after school. Andrew was in this class with her and was talking about something Shelby wasn’t really paying attention it was probably about signing up for basketball. “What do you think Shelbs?” “Huh?” Shelby didn’t realize he was asking her a question. “Party? Wednesday? At Evan’s house?” Andrew stared at her expectantly. “Oh yes. Yea. Let’s go.” She answers. Shelby then immediately text dot,Fatin, and Leah to see if they would be going. </p><p>Shelby:<br/>
(Hey guys. Are you going to the party Wednesday?)</p><p>Fatin:<br/>
(What party haven’t I gone to?)</p><p>Shelby:<br/>
(This was mostly a Leah and dot question.)</p><p>Leah:<br/>
(Yes I will be going.)</p><p>Fatin:<br/>
(You better.)</p><p>Dot:<br/>
(What time is it? Gotta see if Mateo can take care of my dad.)</p><p>Shelby:<br/>
(Andrew said 7:30. I can pick you up?)</p><p>Dot:<br/>
(Yea I’m coming.)</p><p>Fatin:<br/>
(Fuck yes bitches!)<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Toni walks into class she’s totally ready to turn in her basketball application. She’s gonna have to get used to the blue and black instead of orange and black. She likes the sharks better than her last mascot though. An unofficial name for the shark is Charlie someone named it that and it kinda just stuck. She’s snapped out of her train of thought when Shelby walks into her class. Shelby and her make eye contact for the first time face to face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Annoying Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Toni!” Shelby practically yells out well rushing to the girl. “What are you doing here! I thought you lived in Minnesota?” Shelby’s heart is beating so fast right now she can’t even hear herself think. “We had to move for Marty’s dad’s job.” Toni says trying to get Shelby to sit down. She was kinda making a scene in the middle of the class room. Shelby sits next to Toni. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She says a little confused. “I text you earlier today about it.” Toni says taking something out of her bag. It was so strange finally seeing her in real life. </p><p>Shelby looks at all the messages of Toni telling her that she’s moved and that she’s going to a new school and had seen her walking. “Good morning class.” Dr. Farber says. Dr. Farber is the worst teacher Shelby has ever had to deal with. Shelby has always gotten good grades all A’s but in Dr. Fabers class her average grade is a B. “Is that your seat Mrs. Goodkind.” He asked bringing all the attention to Shelby and Toni. Shelby gets up and sits a row above Toni. Looking back at her. Toni is trying to hold in a laugh which makes Shelby want to laugh. </p><p>They try to talk during the lesson and well working but Dr. Faber stops it every time. Eventually Toni passes Shelby a note saying: “Meet me by the gym after school.” Shelby looks over her shoulder and nods.<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
Shelby is waiting by the gym. There are lots of people signing up for basket ball which is going to be starting soon. She’s never really been into sports she goes to football games because Andrews always saying she has to. It’s pretty boring watching him throw a ball. She just doesn’t get sports. </p><p>Out the corner of her eye she sees Toni in line. She heads towards her then gets cut off by Fatin and Leah. “Hey Shelby” Leah says. She has her hand carry her backpack while she looks through it. Not even looking up at looking up to talk to Shelby. “Hey what are you guys doing?” Shelby asks. “Her mom made her sign up for basketball.” Fatin says. Leah pulls out a basketball application and is immediately getting dragged by Fatin towards the line Toni is in. Shelby follows behind them.<br/>
~~~~~<br/>
“Hey Toni.” Shelby says giving her a big hug. She’s hugs really tight but Toni doesn’t mind. “Hey I just need to turn this in real quick and then maybe we can hang out?” Toni immediately looked into the basket ball program when she heard they were moving to Brownsville. She loves basketball and hopes she can get a scholarship from it. “I didn’t know you even played basketball.” Shelby says. “Feels like I’m gonna need to learn even more about you.” Toni starts to say something but is cut off by a girl who looks like she doesn’t know the first thing about basketball. “Who’s this?” The tall girl asks. “Oh Leah this is Toni. Toni Leah.” Shelby says smiling. “Your signing up for basketball?” Toni says a little more judgmental sounding then she means to. “Yea she is” another girl says clearing trying to protect the girl. “And that is Fatin.” Shelby says and nudges the girl a little. </p><p>Toni turns and steps up to the table set up just outside the gym and hands the application to the person behind the table. Once she’s finished she’s told practice will be starting next Monday. </p><p>“Okay now that that’s done what are we doing?” Toni asks expectantly. “Well I didn’t expect my day to go like this...” Shelby says looking around thinking. “....how about we go bowling I can ask Fatin and Leah to come and my other friend Dot!” She says excited. Toni didn’t really think Shelby would invite her friends. She thought maybe it would just be Shelby and her. Shelby looked so cute when she was excited though. Toni said sure without even realizing it. “But can Marty come to she doesn’t really have friends yet.” “Of course” Shelby said. Toni text Martha</p><p>Toni:<br/>
(Do you wanna go bowling with a friend of mine.) </p><p>Martha:<br/>
(We’ve only been here for one day. What friend do you know well enough to go bowling with?)</p><p>Toni:<br/>
(I’ll tell you the story later. Meet us by the gym.) </p><p>Martha:<br/>
(I’ll meet you there.)</p><p>Marty walks over a couple minutes later with her new friends behind her. “Hi they wanted to tag along I hope that’s okay.” Martha says looking at Toni who is obviously not wanting to bring more people a long. “Yea sure why not.” Shelby says clearly excited to have a big group together. </p><p>They end up using Rachel’s car and Shelby’s to get to the bowling alley. Dot shows up to Shelby’s car opening the front door. Then staring at Toni who had called shotgun. Shelby mouths a “sorry” to dot when she sits in the back. </p><p>Toni starts to wonder while driving to the bowling alley how this had gone from her and Shelby to Marty, Shelby, Shelby’s weird friends, dot who is a person she hasn’t even met. (But has heard about), and Martha’s new annoying friends.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys enjoyed. This is my first fic and I may have bit off more than I can chew but it’s fine. Haha anyway have a good day. Let me know if you enjoy.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Cars and Glitter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they arrive they all get out and head into the bowling alley. They seemed like such an unlikely group. They all gets there bowling shoes and balls. “Your gonna need two lanes for all 8 people” the man behind the desks says. “Man, we wanted all play on the same one.” Toni says clearly annoyed. “Sorry ma’am you’ll take lanes three and four.” Shelby sees Toni is clear upset so while everyone is putting on there shoes she’s comes up with a idea “hey guys how about we make this more interesting...” Everybody looks up and all the eyes are on her now. “Like what?” Rachel says interested. “How about we have teams. The losing team pays for the dinner and the winning team can dare the losing team to do anything they choose...” Shelby looks around impressed with herself. Everyone eventually agrees and the teams are paired up as team one being: Dot, Rachel, Leah, and Fatin. Team Two being: Toni, Martha, Shelby, and Nora.</p><p>~~~~~<br/>The game was turning out to be pretty serious. Which didn’t mean it wasn’t fun team ones total was 248 and team two’s was 233 Toni and Rachel were the best bowlers. With Dot Rachel and Leah on the other team Toni wasn’t sure she can carry her team to the win. “Ohhh I got two pins did you see that Toni.” Toni looked up. She tried hard to suppress a smile but it was so funny seeing Shelby being so happy about knocking two pins over. “Me and Marty are obviously carrying this team.” Toni teased Shelby as she sat down. </p><p>She looked away suddenly aware of the proximity. Shelby put a hand on her thigh and she looked up to met her eyes. “I’m so glad your here.” Shelby said with a smile. “Me too.” </p><p>Toni looked around at the two tables the girls occupied. She never will be willing tell anyone this but it was fun with all of them. Rachel was talking to Dot about diving and how she use to feel like it was all she wanted. Fatin and Marty were talking about something Toni couldn’t hear. Though Fatin kept looking up toward Leah who was bowling next to Nora and asking about stance. Toni could see there was something going on there.</p><p>It all seemed so natural and peaceful in a way Toni didn’t expect. It felt like they were meant to be together. “Shelby was are you doing here babe?” Toni looked up surprised to see Andrew she looks down at Shelby next to her who quickly taken her hand off of Toni’s thigh. Shelby also seemed shocked and a little annoyed. Toni thinks she was just not reading her well. “Hey Andrew I was just hanging out with some new friends.” She says looking over the group. Andrew is as well it’s obvious he’s not impressed. “Come on let’s go hang out with my friends.” He says. Grabbing Shelby by the arm. “What? no ! I still have a game to finish Andrew!” She says trying to quietly yell at him. “Come here for a second then.”<br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby is being dragged by the arm to the arcade. “Andrew stop what is wrong with you.” Shelby says and Andrew turns around already angry. “You shouldn’t be hanging out with people like them.” Andrew says yelling still holding on to her arm. “People like who Andrew?” She says yanking her arm away. “Like Rachel or Nora.” He says. Shelby looks at him shocked. “Your serious?” She sees it in his eyes he is. “You know what we will talk about this later right now I’m going back to my friends.” She says already turning. “Hey, I’m telling you are friends are gonna say things about you.” Shelby knew it was true. They didn’t accept people like that into there group. She hated her friends. They weren’t even her they were Andrews. Shelby use to have a friend though. Becca. </p><p>She storms off back to the group. Wiping little tears she’s trying to control. By the time she’s back she already has a fake pageant smile on her face. “Hey are you okay?” Toni says getting up and walking towards Shelby. “Yup just had to tell him I had to finish this game.” She can see concern in Toni’s brown eyes. She looked so cute. Shelby notices there staring into each other’s eyes and says “I’m fine; I promise” a little bit of a lie. Toni can tell. She nods her head anyway and they sit back down. Everyone can tell that Shelby is clearly really upset. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>There down to the last to points Fatin and Nora. The points are 276 and 269. Fatin bowls knocking down 7 pins. Nora bowls and knocks down two 3. </p><p>Team one celebrates there victory high fives. Shelby is distracted looking over at Andrew hating that she has to deal with her stupid friends and him. “Okay so I’m hungry as hell so let’s go get some burgers or something.” Shelby is snapped back into the group. “What about the dare?” Rachel says. “Ohhhh yea what are we going do to the losers.” Fatin pipes up an arm sling around Leah looking at her. “Huddle up-“ Rachel stops half way there her sentence looking at Andrew and his friends who are staring at her and talking. Everyone looks and then Dot speaks up “I have an idea...” <br/>~~~~~</p><p>“Absolutely not” Shelby says while taking the can of silly string. “You can’t back out now we made the deal and you started it.” Fatin says handing her some glitter. “I didn’t think it would involve doing this to peoples car.” Dot chimes in “Oh come on shelbs. It’s people you know consider it a prank.” </p><p>Shelby looks between the two then asks “Why did you have these anyway Rachel?” Rachel pops her head out of the trunk. “I was suppose to use them to prank my cousins when they came to me and Nora’s birthday. But this is better.” She says handing Fatin some more silly string. </p><p>“Hey Shelby which ones Andrews.” Toni says with a smirk. “Not really the best first impression huh?” She asks. “I wanna break his fucking window.” Toni says. She’s pretty angry about what Shelby eventually said to everyone. Shelby was trying to calm her down. But she understood the anger. She thought about breaking something to. </p><p>“You guys ready?” Fatin says shaking her can. “I though this was for the loser” Martha says. “You think I’m gonna miss this fun Angel?” She says making them both laugh. Rachel, Dot, and even Nora also have cans and glitter. <br/>~~~~~ </p><p>By the end of what Shelby knows is gonna start a fight with Andrew there laughing and trying to get into the cars to go to a cheap restaurant not far from here. “Why don’t we get food from here?” Marty’s says. “Because the food here is worst than at school.” Nora says trying to get a bit of silly string off. “Fair enough.” Dot says and they all get in the two cars. They admire there work. Talking about how many silly string cans they used on the three cars. They all watch and laugh at the silly string cars and glitter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys, lots of people have been saying they like this which is really good. I love that people like it. Even some people I admire and write great fics have like it which I’m just so excited to see every time. Thank you have a great day and a new chapter will be out soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Out of Site</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There sitting in one big semi circle booth Shelby and Toni sitting together on the end Fatin and Leah on the other. Rachel then Dot in between her and Nora then Marty by Toni. They all order there separate orders trying not to pay to much considering the losing team has to pay. “Hey Toni that girl seems to have the hots for you.” Dot says from the middle of the table. “Yea she can’t take her eyes off me.” Toni says laughing and impressed with herself. </p><p> </p><p>They get there food and finish it. The waitress comes back smiling at Toni who smiles back and earns whoops from the group.</p><p>“So are you going to get her number or...?” Fatin says now interested in what the group was talking about. </p><p>“Watch me work.” Toni says looking at the waitress walking back up. </p><p>Shelby is clearly uncomfortable she’s not use to girls flirting or this weird feeling in her stomach.</p><p>“So Will that be all for you today.” The waitress asks looking mostly at Toni. “Well that depends-“ </p><p>Toni stops talking from a hand on her high thigh. She’s all of a sudden very red and forgets what she was saying. The waitress looks at her confused. </p><p>Shelby doesn’t exactly know why she’s doing this. But she inches upwards slowly. Everyone at the table is waiting for Toni to make her move. </p><p>“Umm I’ll just go get the check.” She says and walks away. Toni looks back at the girls and then at Shelby. “What happen there Toni?” Marty says. “You never lose your nerve.” Toni gulps and says “Yea I didn’t just decided I didn’t want it anymore.” </p><p>Shelby holds onto her leg until they leave. They share glances but neither seem eager to stop. “Anyone need rides?” Shelby says jingling her keys. Rachel, Nora, Martha, Dot, and Fatin. Go in Rachel’s car. “I need to go back to the school to get the car Toni and Rachel wanted to help me with some home work.” Martha says hopping in the back of Rachel’s car. They all seem close now like they’ve known each other for years. “Okay be careful be home by 12 or I’ll send a search party.” Toni says joking but meaning it. </p><p>Shelby gets in her car with Leah. Leah lives closer to her than Rachel so it seemed good to go with her. “Okay Leah I’ll drop you off.” Shelby says putting on the gps. They watch Leah go inside and then start driving again. “What time is it?” Shelby asks Toni focusing on the road. “10:17.” Toni says. “I have an hour.” Shelby says looking over at her. Toni looks back and smilies. <br/>~~~~~<br/>They end up going to a make out point. It was nice and quiet and the closest place Shelby could think of. “I wonder how you know how to get here.” Toni jokes. Shelby laughs let’s out of the car to lay on the grass. </p><p>It’s itchy but Toni lays down next to her anyway. “I thought it would be different.” Shelby says still looking up. Toni looks over. She looks really pretty. “What are you talking about?” Shelby faces her “like meeting you I thought it would be the whole dramatic meeting at the air port.” </p><p>“Well I mean it was dramatic you almost jumped over the desk.” Toni says smirking. “Shut up.” Shelby says. It’s cold Shelby moves closer to Toni and hugs her arm. “It really is so nice to have you here though.” </p><p>Shelby tried her best to say that without getting that strange feeling in her stomach. She tries not to remember that Becca made her feel that way. She tries not to remember Becca. </p><p>They stare at the stars and Toni points out whatever constellations she can remember. They laugh about things they made inside jokes and finally get back inside the car when the cold breeze because to much for both of them. </p><p>“Hey I wanted to know if you could come to a party on Wednesday?” Shelby says when she turns the heater on. “Oh.” Toni says surprised. </p><p>Toni hasn’t gone to a party in a while. She hasn’t gone seen the last time she saw Regan. She tries not to think about it. Thinks she can handle herself. She’ll make sure she does.</p><p>“What do you think?” Shelby asks again bring her out of her thoughts. “Yea for sure let’s go.” Toni says grabbing her hand. “Okay.” There staring at each other now. Toni can she the little grayish specks in Shelby’s eyes. She looks down at her lips and catches Shelby looking down at hers. She notices there both leaning in but doesn’t stop it. </p><p>“Shelby” Toni says making sure she knows what’s happening. Her heart was beating so loud. Shelby looked so beautiful right now with the light of the car. She was about to kiss her when Shelby’s phone rings there faces were inches away. </p><p>She jumps a little. Quickly looks away to check who’s calling. “Who is it?” Toni says confused. </p><p>“My dad.” Shelby says staring at the phone. She seems nervously looking at the clock. “I didn’t notice that it’s past 11.” Shelby says shaking her head. “I forgot about it to.” Toni says. Shelby let’s the phone ring. When it’s done she puts the car in drive and drives Toni quickly to her house.</p><p>“I’m sorry Toni I have to get home now.” She says as Toni gets out the car. “Okay yea no problem. Text me.” Toni’s says shutting the door looking through the window. </p><p>“Pray that I can.” She says and drives off. Toni watches her car leave her heart still beating fast. She makes a left and Toni goes inside. Shelby is out of site.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I hope you all enjoy. My wifi has been crap the last couple of days so yea trying to get this out for everyone. Writing is pretty new to me so I’m trying my best lol. I hope you all have a great day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Car Crash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby drives home in silence. She wonders if Toni would have kissed her back. She probably wouldn’t have Shelby thinks while parking the car in her drive way. She was just caught in the moment back there. </p><p>Just excited to finally see her in real life.</p><p>Just wants to be her friend. </p><p>She opens the door as quietly as she can. Which doesn’t really matter seeing as her father is in the arm chair reading what Shelby already knows is the Bible. The only book he ever reads. </p><p>She watches him look up quickly. He takes off his glasses while giving her an exaggerated huff. She knows this is not going be easy to explain. She looks at her phone and sees the time is 12:15. She didn’t even realize they were out there for so long. </p><p>“Shelby we’re have you been all night?” Her dad asks staring straight at her. He plays with his book mark in his hands. “You know your suppose to be in this house by 11.” He says. Shelby watches his bookmark. “Sorry daddy I lost track of time. My friend needed a ride home and she didn’t live to close. I didn’t mean to be late.” Shelby says still looking down. </p><p>“You better not be late again you hear me?” He says angrily. She looks up at him. “Yes daddy I-I’m sorry.” She says. He’s letting her off easy this time. He must be pretty tired. “Go on now.” He says already opening his bible again. </p><p>She leaves without another word. Thank god he didn’t ask who she was hanging out with. He has a very high standard for people Shelby can be around. Shelby runs up to her room and gets ready for bed. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>The next day Martha somehow gets all the girls to meet for lunch and sit at the table Rachel and Nora sit at. The group clicked pretty fast and soon there throwing fries that shouldn’t even be considered fries at each other. “This school literally has the worst food.” Dot says dipping a fry into some ketchup anyway. </p><p>The group starts talking about something else that Toni doesn’t bother listening to. Everyone sat at the table besides Shelby. Who was standing with Andrew and some of his friends. It made Toni angry that Shelby was laughing with them about something. How could she just let what they say go? They treat people different just because they are a different skin color than there own. </p><p>“Hey you okay Toni?” Martha pulls her back onto the table. She shifts to face Marty. “Yea I’m good just hungry.” Toni says eyeing her hamburger. Martha pushes it to her easily. “You want to eat that go a head. Even though I don’t even think that’s made with meat.”Martha says lifting up the bun. </p><p>Toni joins the conversation about who would win in a fight between a hot dog or a grilled cheese sandwich. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby and Dot park a block away from the party. They could hear faint music while walking. It was a school night so they didn’t expect a lot of people.</p><p>“So what’s the deal with Toni?” Dot says kicking a pebble. Shelby’s eyes go wide. “What do you mean?” She says. “While first of all she kind of just appeared out of no where. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before and I know basically the whole school.” She kicks her pebble on the curb. “And I don’t know. You act. Different. Around her.” She’s looking at Shelby now. She didn’t think she’d been acting different around Toni. Toni was just a friend. Monday was just- Shelby didn’t know what it was but it was nothing. </p><p>“We we’ve been friends for a while. I met her online a couple years ago. And I don’t know it’s just exciting to finally have her in real life.” Shelby says shrugging.</p><p>Dot looks down again. Shelby knows she’s just letting her drop it. Shelby didn’t know how to be honest with her self. She didn’t know how she felt about Toni. She didn’t have more time to think about the feels she had for a while.</p><p>Fatin, Leah, Rachel, and Nora were outside when Shelby and Dot arrived. “Hey guys!” Shelby gives everyone a hug. “I didn’t expect you guys to be here!” Shelby says looking at Nora and Rachel. “They grew on me.” Fatin says. “I gave them a ride over.” Leah says already walking back inside. </p><p>Someone has rapped there hands around Shelby’s waist. Shelby turns and hugs Toni. Getting a ‘see what I mean’ glance from Dot. Shelby ignores it.</p><p>“Hi Toni. Hi Martha.” Shelby pulls Martha into a hug. “Let’s get this party started!” Fatin leads the group inside. Immediately grabbing shots for everyone. <br/>~~~~~<br/>Toni is a little drunk. Falling behind in the group. She doesn’t want to go over board. She knows what happens. </p><p>She hears some sort of argument happening in the back yard. It’s not unusual for a house party. I don’t think the party was suppose to get as big as it is. But you know, people who were invited invite other people. And now you have almost 100 people recking your house. </p><p>Toni is sitting on a couch with Nora. This most defiantly wasn’t Nora’s scene. Toni’s staring at the guy Martha is dancing with. She doesn’t want him to make Marty feel uncomfortable. So she’s been watching just to make sure. </p><p>She gets up to get a drink from the kitchen now. She grabs two beers hoping Nora has a party side deep inside of her. She gives Nora the drink and is about to sit down when she notices Shelby run up the stairs. </p><p>She looked upset. Toni decides to go check on her. She walks up the stairs now swaying a little. She grabs onto the handle hard. Walking up the stairs. Shes been avoiding drinking for a while. She opens the first door on her right. </p><p>Her eyes fall on Fatin and Leah. On the bed. They look like they just saw a ghost or something. Toni chuckles to herself. It was obvious. “Called it.” Toni laughs out. Closes the door behind her. That’s not important right now. She opened another door that was a closet. Then she opened the bathroom door. Shelby was on the floor crying. </p><p>“Toni?” Shelby said. Toni sits down next to her. “Shelby what happen are you okay?” Toni says. She rubs Shelby’s back trying to sooth her. She looks like she’s about to start crying again. “Andrew was being a asshole and I was trying to stop him. And he started getting angry and it turned into a huge argument. I just needed to get away. So I ran upstairs and now your here.” She said grabbing Toni’s hand. Toni intertwines there fingers. Shelby needed support.</p><p>Toni was beyond angry. She’s always though Andrew was an asshole. All those phone calls of Shelby crying. She wants to punch him in the face each time. “What did he do?” She said. “His friends and him were messing with Rachel.” Shelby says. Trying to get up. Toni gets up and helps her. She grabs Shelby by the hand and rushes down stairs. “What are you doing?” Shelby says stumbling to keep up. “Finding Andrew.” Toni says. She’s pissed and now that she can argue with Andrew face to face she’s letting it out.  </p><p>Andrew is out in the front yard. Laughing with his friends. “Hey Asshole.” Toni says. Andrew turns his head. “Who are you calling an asshole.” Shelby goes back inside. Of course she didn’t want to be see with me. “You. Stop fucking with my friends. “ Toni is trying to hard no to punch him in the jaw right now. Andrew walks up towards Toni. She can tell he’s drunk. Really drunk. He is so close Toni has to look up to look him in the eyes. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Toni can smell the alcohol on his breath.</p><p>Toni heard her friends yell at her to stop. But her blood is boiling already. She punches him. And kicks him. She knows if he weren’t drunk Toni could have been really hurt. She didn’t care she needed this. He hits her pretty good. But she’s gets a few good punches in. One right in the eye. That’s defiantly gonna leave a mark. She only stops when Rachel’s arms pull her off of Andrew. “You fucking psycho!” Andrew says walking back towards his friends. Shelby is now dragging her towards the rode. I guess the party is over for them. Toni can now feel the shots she drank more. “Andrew stop that’s enough!” She hears Shelby say. She’s practically pushed into the passenger seat.</p><p>Toni remembers the last time she was at a party a similar thing happened. But that time Regan was there to stop her. Toni didn’t notice it was Regan. They broke up that night. Toni remembers smashing Regan’s windows. Remembers the look in Regan’s eyes. She was scared of her. </p><p>They end up where they were Monday night. Toni is being force fed water. “Hey isn’t your dad gonna get mad your gonna be home so late?” Toni says. Shelby’s looking in the glove compartment for something. “I told him I’m sleeping over at Fatin’s.” She says. Toni can feel the pain more now. Her rib hurts so do her knuckles and jaw. Shelby tells to get out of the car. </p><p>Toni is still not sure if she’s mad at her. She looks like she’s more concerned than anything so she does as she’s told. “Come sit here.” Shelby points to the hood. She has a small plastic box in her hand. “What’s that?” Toni says. “An emergency med kit.” Shelby says. She watched Shelby grab her leg. Toni shivers from Shelby’s sudden touch. “You feel on your knee pretty bad. This is gonna sting.” Shelby has rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls. </p><p>It does sting. “Why did you have to do that. I was fine Toni. Rachel was fine.” Shelby says now working on the other knee. Another sting. “You were on the bathroom floor crying. I don’t call that fine.” Toni says. Shelby let’s go of her leg. “You shouldn’t  have done that Andrew is strong and he will hurt you. Your lucky he was drunk. “ Shelby says. Toni knows that. She doesn’t understand why Shelby can’t see that she did it for her. </p><p>“How could you be with someone like that Shelby?” Toni says. She can see something Shelby’s eyes. “He’s more complicated than that.” Shelby says then looks down at the blood stained cotton ball. She grabs a new one. “Take off your shirt.” Shelby says. “What?.”<br/>~~~~~</p><p>“Take off your shirt. I saw that he got you in the rib let me see.” Shelby says. Toni does as she’s told. Shelby looks at her side. It’s gonna be a pretty big bruise. She very gently touches it. Toni winces. “Sorry.” Shelby says. She looks at Toni’s body. Her bare skin and sports bra. She had abs probably from all the working out she did with basketball. Shelby suppressed the feeling in her stomach. </p><p>Shelby puts alcohol on the new cotton swab. She just has to do Toni’s jaw and she will be done. “So how do you like. Know how to clean this all up?” Toni says. There real close Shelby’s cupping Toni’s face on the other side of her jaw. “I was a camp counselor last year. There’s a lot of injures.” Shelby says focused on her jaw. She doesn’t realized how close she got. She looks into Toni’s light brown eyes. Shelby can feel that feeling in her stomach rise. She remembers Monday. How she felt the exact same way in the car at the same spot. Toni gently grabs Shelby’s waist. There still staring at each other. Toni pulls her towards her. Shelby’s now flushed again Toni’s bare skin. Shelby gasps. There faces are inches apart now. Toni seems to be waiting for Shelby because she doesn’t make a move. Shelby throws the cotton ball and puts her other hand behind Toni’s neck. Shelby leans down and kisses her. </p><p> </p><p>They kiss and Shelby forgets about everything. Forgets that the she can’t be doing this. Forgets about her boyfriend. Forgets about what her parents would say. She’s just here with Toni kissing her. She lifts her hand from Toni’s neck and cups Toni’s other side of her jaw making her flinch. Shelby steps back. Taking her hands from Toni’s face. </p><p>And she’s back in the real world. Where she’s a pageant girl who loves Jesus and her boyfriend. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>“I’m so sorry is your jaw okay.” Shelby lifts Toni’s chin to check on it. “Yea I’m fine.” They stare at each other for a second. Both of them are breathing hard and uneven. “I should take you home.” Shelby says. Toni wants to tell her no but she knows that Martha is probably worried about her. She just nods her head yes. The ride from there to Toni’s house is in silence. Toni try’s to start conversation but Shelby seems to be deep in thought. Toni didn’t mean to scare her. She wanted Shelby to kiss her. To know she was okay with it.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Toni asks. “Yea Im fine.” Shelby says shaking her head no. “Are you sure?” Toni persist. Shelby looks over at her. “Yes. I’m fine.” Shelby says louder. Toni let’s it go. The worst thing she can do is start a fight with her right now. Toni was still tipsy. </p><p>They arrive at Toni’s house. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Toni says. Shelby doesn’t answer just looks straight ahead. Toni gets out the car after a minute and walks inside. Immediately seeing Martha rushing around the house. “What is happening?” Toni says confused and worried. “Leah was in a car crash.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys so defiantly a longer chapter than usual but I really wanted a true Shoni moment in this one so yea! I really hope you guys liked it. The next chapter is probably gonna be a little small so I'll try to get it out sooner. You'll understand why it's smaller when you read it. I really like writing this so I hope you guys are liking it to! Have a great night (well for me it's night) guys!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Tell me Goodbye.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni’s trying to keep up with Marty. “What do you mean? What happened? How did you sober up so quick?” Toni asks grabbing the things Marty is handing to her. “I started drinking water when you left. And I wasn’t shit faced like you guys.” Martha says grabbing some snacks. “We have to go over there. Everyone’s to trashed and her family is away till Monday.” Marty explains. </p><p>They get in the car as fast as they can. “You should call Shelby. Tell her what happened.” Martha says pulling out of the drive way. “I don’t even know what happened.” Toni says. She also doesn’t really think Shelby wants to talk to her right now. </p><p>Toni’s head is killing her. She can’t get the images of Regan out her head. Regan. She was in a car crash. Because of her. Her thoughts get the better of her and she’s lost in the memory now.</p><p>Last Year:</p><p>Regan gets in the car. God she was looking great that night. She got all dressed up just to go to a house party. Toni watches her put some more lipstick on in the rear view mirror. </p><p>“You ready?” Regan says with a smile. Toni use to love that smile. “Yea let’s get going.” She says offering Regan her hand. </p><p>Regan takes it and starts the car. They end up at the party only 7 minutes later. It was packed. The weekend before finals week were for juniors and seniors to have some fun. They would have huge party at rich peoples houses and try to forget. </p><p>Toni and Regan have fun. They dance they kiss. They play beer pong with some friends and Regan laughs at how bad Toni is doing. “I thought I was dating the best basketball player.” Regan says which earns her a playful shove. Toni remembers Regan was stressed out. How she was thinking after the party she could help her out with that. Then they would watch the rest of whatever movie was playing in the background and kiss. That was a usually Saturday night. The best nights Toni has had for a while. </p><p>Regan made her happy. She practically lived with her. Her foster parents didn’t give a shit about were she was. And Regans parents were so nice to let her stay there. </p><p>Toni was drunk very drunk and Regan knew it was time to drag Toni out of the party. Regan knew when Toni has had to much. </p><p>Toni pleads to stay a little while longer but they end up on the sidewalk in front of the house. Toni can’t remember how. It gets pretty hazing around here. She remembers the guys. Those stupid fucking guys who wouldn’t leave them alone. They walked behind them all the way to there car. Regan mostly dragging Toni by the hand. </p><p>She remembers lunging at the guy with the mustache and remembers the pain right after he punch her in the gut. She remembers hearing Regan yelling at her. </p><p>The next thing she remembers is being in the car. Regan telling her to calm down and it was over. “Don’t tell me to calm down!” Toni yells. Which Regan starts yelling back. Toni remembers hearing the hit. The front window glass shatter. She remembers hearing Regan scream and her own voice yelling for Regan. </p><p>Then she remembers waking up in the hospital. Waiting to hear about Regan. Remembers the look Marty gave her when she comes back into the room. Remembers the tears that were already streaming down her face when Marty starts. </p><p>“Hey.” Toni snaps out of her thoughts. “Are you okay?” Martha looks very concerned. “Yea. Yea I’m just- I need some water if you have any?” Martha hands her some water. </p><p>She thinks she done with the memory when Martha is switching threw the stations and a song she can never forget comes on:</p><p>Tell me you love me for a million years<br/>Then if it don’t work out. <br/>Then if it don’t-</p><p>Martha eyes go wide as she switches it off. She looks back to the road.</p><p>She tries to remember the good times at first. The parking in empty parking lots and slow dancing. Going to there favorite restaurant and ordering a strawberry milkshake and burgers. She remembers the way her hair was soft and smelled like coconut. The way she would curl into Toni and Toni would fall asleep feeling perfect. </p><p>Last Year:</p><p>It’s been a month since the crash. She gets out of the car. This is the first time she has rode in a car in a month She was scared but she wouldn’t admit it. She would say she wanted to work out more and run or walk to school or work. Lucky everywhere she needed to go was in walking distance. The Blackburn’s knew it was a lie but let her. </p><p>She walks up to a door she missed. She has been dreading this part. But she needs the stuff inside of here. She has a cigarette box in here that has small mementos that means a lot to her. Not to mention she probably needs this for herself. To try and over come this.</p><p>She knocks on the door and backs away mentally preparing for what is about to happen. </p><p>She tries her best to keep it together for Regans parents. She walks in and is surprised to be greeted with a hug from Regans mom. “Oh it’s so great to see you are doing good.” Regan’s mom says looking her up and down. Toni says hello. Ask how there doing. They give the lies that there doing good. Act excited about moving soon. Toni understands. </p><p>She goes into Regans room. What was Regans room. She gets all of her stuff which isn’t much. She sits on Regan’s bed. She find herself laying on the bed curled up crying after a couple minutes. Regan was her girlfriend and she loved her. She gathers herself and walks out at the last minute grabbing Regans leather jacket. </p><p>“You mind if I borrow this?” Toni says not really knowing where or who she’s talking to. She walks into the living rooms saying one last goodbye to Regans parents. She can see there getting emotional and tries not to cry while she walks out. </p><p>But if you must go oh,<br/>I won’t tell you no<br/>Just so that we can say we tried<br/>Tell me you love me for a millions years<br/>Then if it don’t work out<br/>Then if it don’t work out<br/>Then you can tell me<br/>Goodbye.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey I told you guys it's gonna be short. Anyway it was kinda of a backstory filler but whatever. I was wondering you guys like the titles or if I should start just putting the chapter number please let me know! And I hope you enjoyed it as much as you can. Regan dying is very sad I know. But idk it just kinda of came to me so yea. Anyway have a wonderful day or night! I love you all! 💕✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Yea I Do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We’re here.” Martha says. She gets out of the car. Toni grabs the bag in the back filled with things like food, chargers, and things to keep themselves busy. </p><p>“So what’s the plan I mean with her parents and everything.” Toni says. “I’m sure her parents will be coming home soon now. I mean the hospital has to have there number. We’re just here so she has someone.” Martha says. </p><p>They reach the front of the hospital. It look like a newer one. Not to far from the party. Martha tells the receptionist Leah’s name and she tell her the room. She hands them visitor bracelets and points them to a elevator. </p><p>When they arrive to the room they’re surprised to see Fatin and Leah. Leah was talking about what happen right before she got hit. Her leg looking in a lot of pain. Fatin was holding her hand while she was talking. They both look up when they enter. </p><p>“Fatin I thought you were going home.” Martha says. Fatin takes a sip of her water. She was obviously still not completely sober. She looked liked she had been crying. “Yea I asked to go with Leah when the ambulance was taking her. “ She slurs a little. </p><p>“You should go home. It’s getting pretty late.” Martha says. She comes up beside Leah asking if she’s okay. “Well I’m in the hospital Marty so not really.” Leah says laughing a little. She stops because of the pain. Fatin looks like she wants to say no but gets up anyway. “Yea I should get an Uber.” Fatin says. She walks over to Leah and places a small gentle kiss on her forehead. Leah smiles up at her. </p><p>“Well Shelby should be here soon.” Fatin says looking at her watch. “Did you tell her to come?” Toni asks. She wasn’t sure if seeing Shelby right now would be a good idea. “Yea. Well I told her what happen. She immediately asks what hospital.” Fatin says grabbing her stuff. “Where did you guys go by the way?” Fatin asks while walking toward the door. “Oh she just... helped me with my wounds from the fight.” Fatin arches an eyebrow but doesn’t comment further. “Well, adios guys. I will officially mark this night unsuccessful. Feel better soon Leah.” Fatins says walking out with a small wave. </p><p>Shelby arrives very soon. She’s carrying some flowers in her hand. She seems a little nervous. She walks right by Toni and pulls a small vase out of her purse. “I thought you might need something.... not alive and beautiful. So I got you some flowers from some weird market that’s open 24/7.” Shelby says. Filling the vase with some water from the small bathroom in the room. She places the vase on the bed side table giving Leah a small smile. </p><p>“Thank you. I weirdly enough do needs those.” Leah says looking at the flowers. “Thank you all but you should really go home it’s really late and I don’t expect you to stay.” Leah says looking down at her own leg. She won’t need to stay in the hospital to long besides a broken leg she had minor injures. She was lucky. She might be able to leave tomorrow. </p><p>“Yea we just wanted to bring you a sandwich and some water and to see if you needed anything.” Martha says opening the backpack to hand over the food and water. “Umm if you don’t mind I do need another blanket please and pillow.”</p><p>“I’ll go!” Toni and Shelby say at the same time. “You guys should probably both go. I’ll stay here.” Martha says instantly regretting it when she sees Toni’s face. </p><p>They end up both going anyway. Awkwardly walking through the hall. This side of the hospital was pretty dead. It was were the people who were staying the night were. So most were sleeping. Which also meant it was hard to find a person to get a blanket and pillow. </p><p>“Ugh maybe we should just go back.” Toni finally says after silently following Shelby for a few minutes. “Your very impatient.” Shelby says making a turn back to we’re they started. “We’re going around in circles.” Toni says getting a little annoyed. “Why is this hospital built like a fucking maze.” </p><p>“Would you be quiet sick and hurt people are sleeping.” Shelby says turning to look at her. “It’s not my fault this hospital is clearly under staffed.” Toni says. </p><p>“Whatever let’s just get this stuff and get back.” Shelby says not even looking at her. “What wrong with you?” Toni says staring at her. “Nothing I’m fine!” She was the one talking loud now. “Hey you kissed me remember.” Shelby looks at her sharply. “I was just. Listen I didn’t come here for this! I’m gonna find someone you can- do whatever!” She watches Shelby storm off and turn back towards the way she came. Then watches her walk the other direction a second later. </p><p>Toni ends up by the cafeteria. “Okay you win hospital maze.” Toni says angrily. How could she not find one single staff member. She’s walking back towards the room when she walks by a what looks like a cpr mannequin the head looks broken its on the floor. </p><p>Toni walks over grabbing the mannequin off the floor. </p><p>She walks back to the room carrying the mannequin in her arms. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby finally find a person to get her some blankets and a pillow. She eventually thinks that she could have just gone back to the room and ask Leah to ring for the person like 15 minutes ago but it’s fine. She kinda needed the time with Toni. Even though it was horrible. </p><p>She knows that it’s wrong what she did. But Toni looked so good- no she was just excited to have her here and was overwhelmed and she was tired. Shelby was straight. Very straight she had a boyfriend. And her dad wouldn’t approve. She knew from experience. </p><p>She grabs the blanket and pillow from the lady. Then started to make her way back. Toni didn’t exactly say she wanted to kiss her. Maybe she was just drunk and trying to mess with her. And she just kissed her. A totally normal thing to do. She eventually just decides to tell Toni she was just caught in the moment. That it didn’t mean anything. </p><p>She wouldn’t admit the fact that it did mean something. She walks into the hospital room handing the pillow and blanket over. She wouldn’t admit that it meant so much for her. She would suppress the butterfly’s in her stomach when Toni came back to the room trying to tell them about the mannequin she found as quietly as she can. She wouldn’t admit that if she got too close to Shelby she would want to kiss her all over again. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Eventually things go back to normal. Well kind of. Leah goes back to school she has crutches and Fatin carries her books around no matter home much Leah argues that she could just carry her backpack around. Fatin tells her she’s crazy. There dynamic has changed but Toni has already said that she wouldn’t say a word till there both ready. “We just haven’t put a name on it yet that’s all.” Leah says. </p><p>The group hangs out at lunch still without Shelby. Shelby has been as distant as possible to Toni. When they hang out as a group she sits as far as possible. She talks to Rachel a lot more. And at school she usually acts like she doesn’t even know them. Which makes everyone pretty pissed sometimes. But sometimes Toni can see Shelby staring over to there table. Most times she turns and they lock eyes for a couple of seconds. Shelby will always turns back first. </p><p>Toni is pissed that she hasn’t even gotten an explanation or a anything. She’s just been trying to talk to her. She would walk up and Shelby will start talking to another one in the friend group. And there’s no way to get her to talk at school. She only has one class with her and Dr. Farber likes silence in his class. </p><p>Toni knows she likes Shelby. Toni has liked Shelby for the longest time now. They use to talk until 2 o clock in the morning sometimes. She had hope maybe Shelby would like her back. But Shelby as far as Toni knows has a homophobic family and goes to church and does pageants. She knows that Shelby probably just needs time to think. Time to understand it herself. </p><p>Toni thinks about the fact that they are really unlikely to be friends if they had met in person. She would have probably hated her. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>There hanging out at Toni’s and Martha’s house this weekend. With a lot of convincing from Dot and Fatin Shelby agrees to come. Martha’s parents are out for the weekend and Fatin is bring the booze. </p><p>Everyone is at the house and there hanging out in the pool. “Hey where’s Marcus?” Fatin says. Everyone looks at her confused besides Toni and Martha who jumps up to go grab him. A minute later Martha returns with Marcus in hand. “Guys meet Martha’s boyfriend!” Toni says. The groups laughs while crowding around marcus. “You stole that old mannequin from the hospital?” Leah says who’s sitting on a chair by the water. “Hey it’s borrowing... I’ll return it when I’m dead.” Toni says taking a drink from her red solo cup. “Don’t call Marcus an “it”.” Martha says. Sitting him on a chair. “Sorry Marty B but your boyfriends kinda quiet.” Toni says walking into the house to get another drink. </p><p>She hears the girls laughing about the penis Marty drew on Marcus. “She likes them hung.” Fatin says. </p><p>She walks into the kitchen when she sees Shelby looking in the fridge and grabbing some punch. “I hope you don’t mind.” She says looking a little embarrassed. “I don’t feel in the drinking mood.” She says pouring herself some. </p><p>Toni just stares at her. This is the first time they have talked in weeks and it’s about juice? She’s already angry when suddenly Shelby is pulling her inside of the bathroom. “What the fuck?” Toni says getting away from Shelby’s grip. “I need to talk to you.” Shelby says. “You couldn’t just fucking told me that.” Toni says. “You know I really don’t want to do this today.” Toni says reaching for the door knob. Shelby blocks the door. </p><p>“What Shelby because you can’t just fucking kiss me and then pretend like I don’t exist for almost a whole week okay. I won’t lecture you on how or why you should figure things out for yourself but all your hateful church shit isn-“ Shelby grabs her by the collar “I know exactly who I am” she says. Toni can she the split second Shelby looks down at her lips. She doesn’t have time to say anything before Shelby walks out of the bathroom. </p><p>Shelby ignores her for the rest of the time. She watches her and Martha laugh about something she can’t hear. She knows Shelby has a lot she needs to figure out for herself. And she can’t help but want to be there for her.</p><p>She thinks about when she needed to find somewhere else to stay when she came out to her foster family at the time. How Martha’s family was so nice to her. She knows it will be hard for Shelby.</p><p>“Hey are you guys gonna chicken fight or you gonna be chickens?” Dot says looking the four of them. “Well obviously count me out.” Leah says lifting up her foot a bit laughing. “Sorry Leah next time we will do a broken leg friendly thing.” Toni says. “Oh it’s fine I like looking at them have fun. It relaxes me kinda all those thought swirling in my head can be replaced for a second.” Leah says eyeing fatin. “Gosh there gonna know before you can tell them if you keep looking at her like that.” Toni says. “I’ll stop when you stop staring at Shelby.” Leah says now looking at her. “I’m not blind Toni.” </p><p>“Yea well that’s a little different.” Toni says now very interested in the string in her shorts. “You like her though no?” Leah ask looking over at shelby.</p><p>She looks back over at Martha and Shelby herself. She can’t help but smile when she sees Shelby looks up at her. And maybe it’s her imagination but when Shelby looks down she can see a small smile too. </p><p>“Yea I do.” Toni says surprised she’s being honest about it. Leah just nods her head and looks back to the girls in the pool. Fatin is on top of Nora’s shoulders and Rachel has been knocked off of Dot’s. “Yea I do.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all enjoy it. Writing can be pretty hard sometimes but I still can’t wait to update. I hope you all have a great day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Toni’s Jacket</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni’s Jacket</p><p>It’s been a week since the pool party. Shelby and Toni have been talking more but have still been pretty distant. Toni thinks Shelby’s scared of her like if she got to close she would bite. </p><p>This Saturday is the first game of the season for the sharks girls basketball team. Toni has been practicing a lot lately. She wants to impress the coach on her first game. </p><p>“Hey Leah what did coach Aubrey says about your leg? Are you gonna play when it’s healed?” Toni asks Leah who is sitting across from her. </p><p>“Yea she said that I should be able to get a couple of games in once it has healed.” Leah says she then goes back to picking at her chicken. </p><p>“Oh yea your big game is in two days!” Fatin says. “We should totally do something after it to celebrate.” Dot chimes in. </p><p>“I thought you had a date with nurse Mateo Caliente?” Fatin says arching a brow for dramatic effect. “Yea I did but he’s busy this weekend so we’re going another time.” Dat says she looks pretty bummed about it.</p><p>“Hey, we’ll do something cool. How about another pool party?” Rachel gives a suggestion. “Ugh no I’m still recovering from the last one.” Nora says next to her. </p><p>“Yea and I promised Leah we would do something more broken leg friendly.” Toni says pulling a sandwich Martha made out of her backpack. “Thanks by the way Marty.” She says waving the sandwich. </p><p>“You need to eat more Toni so I’m making you those until you make them yourself.” Martha says taking a bite of her own. “Never gonna happen Marty B your gonna make sandwiches for the rest of my school career.” </p><p>Toni thinks for a second about what they could do this weekend. This new horror film came out a couple days ago. “Hey what about a movie?” Toni suggest. </p><p>The group looks around at each other. Toni elaborates “There’s this new horror film called “The Wild” it’s about this dude who traps some guys on an island and hunts them for sport.” Martha doesn’t look to keen on the idea but everyone else seems to like it. </p><p>“Yea sounds cool.” Dot says pulling out her phone. “Let me see if Shelby will have time this Saturday to hang out. </p><p>Toni turns back to her sandwich till Dot’s phone dings with a reply. “She said she was planning on going to the game with us. And was hoping we would do something after.” Dot says Toni has a small smile. She happy Shelby was thinking of her game. </p><p>“Great I’m gonna go and throw this away.” Toni says getting up. “Throw mine away to.” Basically the whole table says at once. Toni rolls her eyes as everyone stacks there plates on top of each other and hands a big pile to Toni. </p><p>“Slobs.” Toni says slowly walking towards the trash to not drop anything. Her plan is ruined when a hard push canes from behind her. Toni immediately turns around to see Andrew with Shelby draped over his arm. “Watch were your going douchebag!” Toni says picking up the trash from the floor. </p><p>“Whatever dyke.” Toni looks over at him confused. Not that it bothered her if he knew. She just hasn’t been around long enough for her to gain a reputation of her being gay. </p><p>Andrew takes the confusion as a win. He smirks and walks off dragging Shelby with him who is looking at Toni. Toni thinks Shelby is trying to says something to her with her eyes but she’s not sure what.<br/>
~~~~~</p><p>Today is the day. Shelby has about an hour to go back to her house to get some snacks she had for the movie later before Toni’s game starts. </p><p>Shelby didn’t know exactly what movie they were going to see. Dot had not text her the details but Shelby had accepted right away anyway. She needed some time with her friends. She hated the friends she had at school. Andrews friends were so cocky and judgmental. </p><p>Everyday it was the same conversation What party is happening next? Football beef heads. Gossip about stuff Shelby couldn’t care less about. The girls Shelby were aloud to hang around where so plain. </p><p>She is now driving back to the school when she gets a text from Dot. </p><p>Dot:<br/>
(Toni got us the best seats right in the front.)</p><p>Shelby:<br/>
(Great be there in a few.) </p><p>Toni has been a distraction. Every time they were together Shelby can’t help but look at her. Her smile was so sweet and her laugh was like music to Shelby’s ears. She was beautiful and Shelby was having a harder time denying that. </p><p>She would steal glances of her and sometimes she would see Toni doing the same. They haven’t talked as much because Shelby didn’t want to be tempted. </p><p>She arrives at the school again. Getting out of her car she leaves the bag of snacks in the back seat. She was saving them for the movies. Popcorn doesn’t go good with her flipper. </p><p>Walking into the gym already smelling like sweat she found her friends easily. They were on the right had side near the locker room doors. Shelby takes a seat next to Martha. They really were in a good spot on the first row. The middle seats were for the players themselves so being in the side was the next best place. </p><p>They chat for a couple of minutes passing the time. Then finally the cheerleaders come out. They only do the cheerleaders for the JV team which Toni was on and team captain even though she was just a junior. </p><p>The announce the basketball team one by one with Toni being the last to come out. Shelby stares at her as she hyped up the crowd and making a free throw on her first try. She really looked good in her jersey. </p><p>The team goes to the sideline huddled in a group before the referee calls Toni and the other teams team captain for the coin toss. The other team wins it and Toni jogs up to the group real quick “hey guys!” Toni says hugging Martha. “Wish me luck.” She’s looking directly at Shelby who blushes a little bit before jogging back to her team. </p><p>The game is a pretty easy win for the sharks. Shelby watches Toni as she dribbles the ball and makes a three pointer. She had to admit that Toni was really good. The game is half over and Toni walks up to Martha who making the whole group cheer her on. “Marty were in half time.” Toni says smiling anyway. Shelby looks watches the sweat drip down from Toni’s hairline. Toni sees her doing this and purposely lifts up her Jersey a little and puts her hand on her abs. </p><p>Shelby states a second longer before looking away. “Okay I’m gonna finish this then we can head out to the theatre.” Toni says. During her last shoot of the game Shelby thinks she sees Toni wink at her after it.<br/>
~~~~~</p><p>“8 tickets to The Wild please.” Dot says. The group has each payed for themselves. Dot hands over the money to the guy who takes it and hand her the tickets. “Thank you!” Fatin says while walking inside of the theatre.</p><p>“Wait were watching the new scary movie?” Shelby says surprised with this information. “You should really join the table sometime shelbs.” Dot says while handing everyone a ticket. Shelby takes the ticket given to her and they walk inside the theatre. </p><p>“Hey can Nora can we trade tickets?” Toni hears Martha say. “Uh why?” Nora says. “Because...come here.” Martha pulls Nora in close so she can widower in her ear. “Oh yea of course.” Nora says handing her the ticket. Toni knows that it’s because Martha has had bladder issues and if she needs to go she needs to go. </p><p>They all wanted to have a movie theatre with those comfy chairs that recline. The chair armrests also go up. Toni watches and Fatin and Leah lift the arm rest up. There totally not gonna get to tell everyone themselves. </p><p>Everyone sits down and Shelby just realizes that she will be sitting next to Toni. She takes her seat which is the furthest to the right. Toni looks her up and down before turning to talk to Fatin who is sitting next to her. </p><p>Great she’s sitting next to the one person who doesn’t want to talk with her. “Hey you want some popcorn?” Toni asks. Shelby is shocked that she is talking with her. “Oh no. I can’t eat that.” Shelby says pulling her purse from the ground. “Why?” Toni asks. “Because I’m allergic.” Shelby lies. She doesn’t want Toni to know she has a flipper. “Oh.” Toni just looks down. “I brought some of my own snacks.... we can share if you like.” Shelby says pulling out trail mix and goobers. “Sorry were not aloud a lot of sweets in my house.” Shelby admits. “It’s okay I’m just...Allergic to nuts so.” The awkwardly start a different conversation. </p><p> </p><p>The movie starts and everyone stops talking. Shelby has never been a fan of scary movies so of course when the first jump scare comes Shelby is curling up to Toni as much as she can with the arm rest in the middle. </p><p>“Wow your really scared of this.” Toni says whisper laughing. “Shut up.” Shelby says playfully punching her arm. Shelby sits awkwardly up against the arm rest for 15 more minutes before Toni is moving her to put the arm rest up. </p><p>Shelby hesitates for a minute. She clings to Toni when chainsaw noises come bombing threw the theatre speakers. </p><p>Toni is sitting with an arm around Shelby as Shelby is hugging onto her side. Shelby’s head on Toni’s shoulder. Shelby’s arm wrap around her waist under the jacket her mom gave her. </p><p>Toni can smell Shelby’s shampoo it’s smells like vanilla. She has to admit this is pretty comfortable. She’s never really had the money to go to the theatre in the while.<br/>
~~~~~</p><p>The movie ends. Everyone is walking out of the theatre talking about it. “Well I mean it was that scary.” Rachel says her sister was terrified. “I’m not sleeping good for a week.” Shelby says. She has her arms crossed because she forgot a jacket. Toni takes her jacket off and offers it to her. “Thanks.” Shelby says with a smile while putting the puff jacket on. “This is surprisingly warmer than I thought.” Shelby says. “Well I have been wearing it the whole time so. Toni is now very cold but she pretends like she’s not. </p><p>“Oh hey do you mind if I get a ride home. Martha’s sleeping over at Rachel and Nora’s for some project Rachel and her are doing.” Toni asks. Shelby just nods her head and they both walk towards her car.</p><p>They say there goodbyes to their friends and get into the car. “So how did you like it?” Toni asks not quiet sure what to say. “I hated it.” Shelby says flatly which earns her a laugh from Toni. “Come on don’t be dramatic.” Toni says. They talk about the movie until they arrive at Toni’s house. </p><p>“Thanks for the ride.” Toni says she’s looking at Shelby. Shelby wants to kiss her so bad. She gives her forearm a squeeze instead. “I had fun tonight. Even though that movie wouldn’t have not been my choice.” Toni understands what Shelby is saying and gives her a smile and nod before getting out of the car. </p><p>“See you Monday.” Toni says. Shelby drives off completely forgetting that she’s still wearing Toni’s jacket.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all enjoy! I've been a little busy so that's why this chapter is later than usual. But I should go back to every two days now! Have a great day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I Can’t Have You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby wakes up to the alarm ringing in her ear. She’s still dressed in last nights clothes. Toni’s jacket is still on her. Without noticing at first Shelby leans over and sniffs the jacket. </p><p>She immediately stops and jumps up. Although the jacket might be a little hot for the wear today she finds a cute church outfit that goes well with it. She doesn’t think much of it until she walks down stairs into the kitchen grabbing a plate and fork. </p><p>“Good morning honey!” Mom Joe walks into the kitchen and servers her some eggs and bacon. “Morning.” Shelby mumbles tiredly. </p><p>“Hey you better get it together before church. We said that the curfew can be later if you can keep being well rested for Sundays.” Her Dad walks in giving Jobeth a kiss on the forehead while she heads him some coffee. </p><p>“Yes Daddy. I just need to eat some food and I’ll be fine.” Shelby looks up noticing that he’s now looking at her. He looks like he’s trying to find the killer at a crime scene. “What?” Shelby asks looking at herself. “Who got you that jacket I’ve never seen it before?” Her dad says. He’s playing with the ring around his finger nervously. </p><p>“It’s just a friends dad.” Shelby says picking at her eggs. He looks a little taken aback that she had said dad instead of daddy but doesn’t mention it. “Ah, okay. Who’s is it?” He asks trying to sound like he’s just curious. </p><p>“My friend Toni’s...” Shelby can sense that her father isn’t pleased with that. “Melody, Spencer, why don’t you go put on your church clothes. We should get going in a bit.” Jobeth says they hurriedly walk up the stairs. </p><p>“Shelby your friend Toni... we don’t think it’s in your best interest to talk with her.” Dave starts he’s slowly. “What why you haven’t even met her yet. She’s really not a bad person dad. I was just cold last night.” Shelby says now facing his direction fully. </p><p>“Well we were concerned when you found her as a friend online-“ he starts but is cut off by Shelby. </p><p>“How do you know that.” Shelby says now looking guarded. “There’s an app that shows what you do on your phone... we look sometimes.” Dave said still trying to be calm but is clearly mad. Shelby wants to scream. Shout. Break things. But the only thing she can manage is a look of not even sadness. Disappointment. </p><p>It happens every time. Shelby thinks they will stop prying into her life and they do something else to disrespect her privacy. “You don’t care about my privacy at all do you? What did you do? D-did you find something on her or her family or what?” Shelby says. She feels like if she had more energy she could cry. All the years of built up anger and sadness would over take her and she for once she’d let it out. </p><p>But her dad is completely angry now. “No we don’t” He says it like it’s a know fact. Like it’s okay. “Because we want what’s best for you. We found she’s an orphan. And she’s a les- she’s not straight. You can’t be hanging around people like that Shelby. Your better than that.” </p><p>Shelby was hurt by that. Because she knew she wants better than that. She knew that she will just have to change her clothes and put on a nice Sunday church smile when they sat through a angry car ride there. She knew she would have to sit next to Andrew and pretend she wanted to marry him. Then she would have to come home and her dad he was right. Lie to him and tell him she is better than that and she is sorry for question is judgement. </p><p>And that’s what she did. She said she would return Toni’s jacket tomorrow to her and that would be it. She lied about that part. </p><p>It was now 2 o’clock and she gets a text from Andrew reminding her that they were suppose to go out today. She sends back a reply and walks toward her dad. “Daddy? Andrew and I were suppose to be going out in a bit for dinner. Could I still go tonight?” She looks at him with her best puppy dog eyes. She needs this. A chance to get away from the house. Even if it’s with Andrew. </p><p>“Yes but do not come back later than 12 Shelby.” Dave says sternly. She hurries back to her room. She put on something casual and runs out the second she get a text from Andrew that he’s here. “Bye!” She waves to her parents before running up to the truck. </p><p>“Hey you look excited.” Andrew says giving her a quick kiss on the lips. “Yup let’s go!” She says. And with that Andrew starts the truck.</p><p>They arrive at a good burger place. Shelby doesn’t like burgers much but Andrew never seems to remember that. “What do you want babe?” He says look up at the menu. Shelby looks at her options. Lucky they have nachos. Shelby chooses those and they wait for there order to be ready. </p><p>The order arrives and there eating. Shelby is surprised that Andrew is actually being a little funny tonight. “Your in a good mood.” Shelby says bring a nacho to her mouth. “Yea I saw some friends earlier.” Andrew answers. “Which ones?” Shelby says.</p><p>“Um jake, Rachel, Matt and Jess.” Shelby can’t help but twitch a little when she hears the name Jess. She knows something is going on between them. “Oh. “ she turns back to her nachos. “Is that a problem?” Andrew says. He looks confused. “No it- it’s fine.” She says instinctively sticking an arm out towards him. “Eww what the fuck get your nacho hand off me!” Andrew says pushing her hand away forcefully. </p><p>“Oh come on! You made that whole drama episode for a little bit of nacho sauce on your arm.” Shelby says as Andrew is pulling her out of the restaurant. He seems to be muttering something. “It’s not like I get mad when you still anything in me.” Shelby has had it today with people.  “What makes you think all of a sudden your so brave now!” Andrew says he’s facing her now towering over her. </p><p>Shelby walks over to the other side of the truck. “Maybe it’s because you throw big tantrums over tiny things. Easy up would ya! And stop acting like a baby!” Shelby is angrily sitting in the passenger seat. “shut up bitch!” Andrew is fuming right now. A vein popping out of his head. Shelby is taken a back by what he just said. Sure Andrew has gotten angry before but he has never called her a bitch. </p><p>She sits in shock and when he looks like he’s about to say something she gets out of the truck and starts walking. Shockingly Andrew isn’t the type of person to call people a bitch. Or maybe Shelby has been so blind to it all she’s never noticed it. Either way it was still a shock to hear it come out of his mouth directed at her. </p><p>Andrew doesn’t follow her. At least she hasn’t seen him. She walks aimlessly for a couple minutes before re routing. She knows exactly where to go now.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>Toni gets out of the shower and now putting on a tank top and sweat pants in her room. She can’t stop thinking about Shelby today. She also misses her jacket but she’s sure Shelby will hand it back soon. </p><p>Laying down in her bed now she turns on the Tv and scrolls through her Instagram. Fatins out at a party with Leah she sees. She usually would be there to but the girls didn’t plan anything and Martha wanted to stay in tonight. </p><p>She’s about to find something to watch when she hears the door bell ring. Martha’s parents have gone to the store so she gets up and walks down the hall. Once she reaches the door she’s surprised to see Shelby with her jacket and she’s crying.</p><p>“Woah Shelby what are you doing here?” Toni asks while ushering her inside. It was cold and windy that night. It could possibly rain soon. “Are you okay?” She sits Shelby down on there couch and grabs a water from there kitchen. </p><p>Shelby stopped crying but is still sniffling. Toni grabs her a box of tissues on the TV stand. “Here you go.” She hands them to her. “Thanks.” Shelby says. Toni sits next her on the couch and Shelby hands her the jacket. “Thanks.” She puts it in the coffee table. “What happened? How did you get all the way over here without a car?” Toni is worried about her.</p><p>“Well I- I was just out with Andrew to get some food an- he got angry over some stupid cheese on his arm. And he was yelling at me and I was yelling at him.” Shelby looks up at Toni now. “They got mad because I was hanging around you...” she says. She looks like she might cry again. “Who did?” Toni asks. “My parents. They found information on you and they saw that your gay and they didn’t want to be your friend or anything.” </p><p>“Well is that what you want?” Toni asks. She can see that Shelby is conflicted. “No!” She says anyway. “No I don’t want that I want you!” Toni is taken a back by this. She doesn’t know exactly which way Shelby is talking about but hopes it’s the way Toni wants her.</p><p>“This was the closet place I knew to go.” She says. She’s looking down at her hands again now. She seems scared. “I’m- I’m sorry I should go. I’ll call an Uber or something. Sorry to disrupt your evening.” She says standing up and is about to walk out the door when Toni pulls her in and kisses her. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby doesn’t kiss back at first. She’s so shocked she just stands there. Then she kisses  Toni back grabbing her face. When Toni grabs at her hips it’s all Shelby can think about.</p><p>Them. Together right there. And she’s consumed with Toni and this moment just like when they were kissing on her car. They kiss until they both need to catch there breath. There foreheads are stuck together. </p><p>“I’m sorry about Andrew.” Toni says. “It’s okay I feel better already.” Shelby says pulling her back in for a another kiss. This one is long and needy. She thinks Shelby is trying to make it memorable. Toni pulls away looking her in the eyes “Is this what you want?” Toni says. Shelby doesn’t know. She knows one thing. “Yes I want you Toni.” Her smile goes away. She also knows another thing. She looks down at there now conjoined hands. “But I can’t have you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys sorry I've been pretty busy with stuff but I hope you like this chapter. I like writing in the night time idk it's just easier so I finished this chapter last night but I couldn't post it right away so you all had to wait till the morning. Anyway I hope you all have a good day! Enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*disclaimer* in this chapter it will be talking about suicide and in the chapter I say that Shelby is relieved that she gets a women Uber driver. This isn’t to say that women can’t harm people it’s just to kind of see Shelby mind set of what her father has drilled into her.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Toni is staring at Shelby who is looking at the floor. “Toni I can’t date you. My- my parents...” Shelby is fidgeting with the cross on her necklace. “They I- we can’t-“ Toni sits down on the couch. She’s pissed but is trying not to get to upset for Shelby. “Why can’t we? Your parents don’t have to know.” Shes staring at the bowl of junk on the coffee table when she feels a thud on the couch next to her.</p><p>“You don’t want that.” Shelby finally says after a few second. “It doesn’t work Toni I know it doesn’t.” Shelby’s voice is thick. She’s trying hard to hold back tears.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>“I think you should go.” Toni still refuses to look at her. Her eyes focused on the coffee table and it’s contents . Shelby gets up quickly and flinches when she hears things falling hard to the ground. </p><p>She walks down the street a couple of blocks. It’s darker now so she stops by the closest building and pulls out her phone to call an Uber. She stops when she recognizing what building she has stopped by.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>Three years ago:</p><p>“Hey I said that I wanted to have the last mozzarella stick.” Shelby says lightly pushing Becca. Becca’s birthday was a week ago but Shelby and her wanted to celebrate by themselves today. “Oh come on. It’s my birthday present.” She laughs taking a bite of the stick. </p><p>“Oh yea well I guess I’ll just take this one back home.” Shelby picks up the present she bought for Becca and makes a run for it. “She doesn’t get far considering she’s in bowling shoes and Becca is pretty fast. </p><p>“No no no I’ll take that.” Becca walks back to there table and sits down. “Do you wanna open it now?” Shelby asks. She hands her a card to read first. Becca reads the card and hums a response to the message Shelby wrote on it. </p><p>The gift Shelby had given her was in a small bag that was all black. She had gotten a silver sharpie to write a inside joke they had on the paper. Becca removes the wrapping paper and gives it to Shelby. “Thanks for your trash.” She says playfully rolling her eyes while crumbling it up and putting it in the trash can. “You love it.” Becca teases.</p><p>Becca pulls out a small box and within that box is a gold necklace with a small heart on it. “Shelby you didn’t need to.” She looks over at Shelby who is smiling giddily at her. “Becca it’s your 18th birthday. It’s special.” Becca reaches over and gives her a warm hug. Shelby smells her hair. It smells of jasmine. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby shakes out of her thoughts. She calls an Uber and waits impatiently outside of the bowling alley. She refuses to step into it. Even though it’s getting cold and she’s shivering outside. She hasn’t been in there in more than a year. Not since she... </p><p>She doesn’t want to think about. Her. She thought about her enough. Every single day. Until a couple of months ago. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>A few months ago:</p><p>“...help me be what you intended.” Shelby has heard this so many times. So many times she didn’t care who was saying it and to whom. But now she’s here. At conversion fucking therapy. </p><p>Her father has sent her here for a whole month. A month of bible study and ‘asking myself if I really want to go down this path.’ I told him she didn’t matter to me anymore. That she out of my life. I told him lies that I never cared about her. That I have never loved her. </p><p>She did care and She did love her. And now even after She said She didn’t she’s still here. Shelby wants to cry and scream and curse at the lord. But instead she puts on the southern pageant Queen smile and goes to lunch.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>She’s knocked out of her thought by the sound of a car horn honking. She thanks god it’s a women. And gets inside the car. The women greets her and starts heading towards her house. </p><p>Shelby watched the bowling alley go by. She remembers that day they were celebrating Becca’s birthday. The way her hair was soft and curly. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Five weeks after Becca’s birthday:</p><p>“So the pageant is for the big leagues?” Becca asks from outside of the bathroom. Shelby can hear her typing in her laptop. She had a chemistry project due. </p><p>“Yup I could win and be the most beautiful girl in the state.” Shelby says. She’s got a long yellow dress on and is fixing her makeup in the mirror. “Like you aren’t already.” Becca says jokingly but she’s focused so it sounds more serious. Shelby’s glad she can’t see her blush. </p><p>“So your thoughts?” Shelby walks out of the bathroom. Becca looks up and pushes her glasses up her nose. She looked cute whenever she wore those. They were big on her face. “I like it but it’s not really different from the other one.” She says looking Shelby in the eyes now. “This ones butter yellow.” She says and walks back into the bathroom. “Can you entertain me now she i can blame not finishing this project on you?” Becca says closing her laptop. Shelby can hear her walking around her room. </p><p>“I just have one more dress.” Shelby says pulling off the hanger a long sky blue dress. It’s a little more poofy then the yellow one but looks amazing. Shelby puts the dress on slowly. “So. How are things going with Andrew?” Becca says. She’s grab a picture of Shelby and Andrew off a desk and puts it back down. “Oh you know. The same? Nothing exciting.” Shelby says checking herself out in the mirror. “Aren’t relationships like suppose to be exciting?” Becca asks.</p><p>“Well I mean...” Shelby decides not to comment. Becca moves on. “Well I mean you guys are a good couple I’m sure it will work out. He’s a good looking guy and your...” Becca is now staring at Shelby who has come out of the bathroom. </p><p>“Is it to much? Maybe my mom can fix it. Yes i think it’s to much. You- you’re looking at me like it’s to mu-“ Shelby stops when Becca interrupts her. “Your beautiful Shelby.” Becca walks closer and looks her up and down. </p><p>There now inches apart. Becca starts to back away when Shelby suddenly rushes forward connecting their lips. Becca immediately kisses back. They continue to kiss for a few more seconds before Becca eventually breaks the kiss. </p><p>“I’m sorry I should have asked you.” Shelby says which earns her a giggle from the other girl. Pretty soon there both giggling. </p><p>It’s not until later that night that the subject is brought back up. There both laying in Shelby’s bed. Shelby has her head on Becca’s shoulder and Becca has her arm slung around Shelby’s body. The way they usually cuddle before falling asleep like that. </p><p>“Can I ask you a question?” Shelby says so low that Becca bearly hears it. “Of course.” Becca says she’s staring at the ceiling and lightly rubbing circles on Shelby’s arm. </p><p>“Did you like our kiss?” Shelby says she feels the heat on her cheeks immediately. “No it was so bad I hated it.” Becca says sarcastically. Shelby punches Becca in the side blushing harder. Becca only laughs and rubs at her side a little. </p><p>Shelby is now looking up at Becca waiting for a real answer. “Yes I did.” Becca says honestly. They both lean in and kiss again. And again. And again. </p><p>This starts something Shelby wasn’t prepared for. One day there best friends and the other there making out in Shelby’s car. Of course neither of them mind this. On the weekend they go over to Shelby and watch movies they will cuddle and kiss and laugh. </p><p>“So what are we?” Becca asks one night. It’s been dark for a few hours and everyone in the house has most likely gone to sleep. Shelby still whispers in her ear anyway. “What do you want to be?” She can see Becca smile a little. “I want to be your girlfriend.” She’s looking at her now serious. “I- I want you to be mine to but I can’t break up with Andrew.” Shelby says looking at there joint hands. </p><p>Becca looks back upward. “Maybe. We can be girlfriends in private.” Becca says like a suggestion. “Do you really want to do that?” Shelby says. She doesn’t want Becca to feel like she’s some secret that will never be told. Becca gives her a kiss on the forehead. “Yea I do.” And Shelby believes her. Shelby thinks she can eventually introduce Becca as her girlfriend one day. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby gets out of the car and thanks the women quietly. She walks up the block to her house. She doesn’t want to get caught coming home in an Uber. </p><p>Once she’s inside the house she walks up the stairs and throws her purse on her desk chair. She undressed and  puts on pajamas. Her pajamas are a long T- shirt and some shorts. </p><p>She’s washes her makeup off and brushes her teeth. She tries not to think about what had happened at Toni’s. Those thoughts get replaced with thoughts of Becca. </p><p>Once ready to go to bed she lays down and stares at the ceiling. Immediately realizing that she is not going to be able to sleep right now. She gets up and does something she has done in a long time. Pulling an old shoe box out from her closet she opens it up and find a notebook and pen. </p><p>Under the pen and notebooks there are letters. Lots of letters. She ignores them and grabs a fresh envelope from her desk and starts writing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys it's another backstory type of chapter I know there not the best and the other one is gonna be a continuation of the Becca story so stay tuned. I hope you like it even though I'm personally not happy with it. I hope you all have a great day! Thank you for supporting my work.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Moving On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I miss you.<br/>I miss you so much down to the little details only I remember of you.<br/>The way your hair was soft and smelt of jasmine. <br/>The way you smiled while addressing me and only me.<br/>The way your hand felt in mine. <br/>Like a piece of a puzzle I was missing. <br/>I miss the way your hand fit in mine.<br/>But I’ve found someone that makes me feel the same way you did a year ago. She makes me feel like maybe one day I can escape from the torture that is my world. And deep down somewhere I know that you’re okay with that. That you want me to move on. <br/>I hope that you know that what I did was not because I wanted to hurt you but because I want to protect you. From my parents and myself. I hope that you understand that know.<br/>I love you always.</p><p>                                   -Shelby </p><p>Shelby looks over the letter she just wrote and puts it in the envelope. She closes it and places it in the box along with the rest of the envelopes and closes the box. Placing it back in her closet she walks back to her bed and twist and turns in the night.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>The last time Shelby and Becca bowled: </p><p>“I haven’t made one shot tonight.” Becca says turning back to Shelby who is nervously fidgeting with her cross necklace. Becca seems to notice but avoids the subject. Shelby has been fidgeting for the past week. Whenever Becca brings it up Shelby says it’s about exams but Becca knows her better than that. </p><p>“I’ve had bad luck today.” Becca says walking over to the table Shelby is sitting at. She pulls Shelby in by her arm. Shelby was stiff when Becca pulls her in. “Yea today has been off.” Shelby says absent minded. </p><p>They have been together for almost one year. Secretly sneaking out and making out in Shelby’s car. And house sometimes depending. Shelby seemed to truly be happy when she was around Becca it was the only time she seemed that way. </p><p>“I love you.” Becca says trying to get Shelby’s attention. Shelby turns toward her with a smile. “I love you too.” She says giving her a small peck on the cheek after looking around the bowling alley. Shelby finally gets up for her turn. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>They finish bowling and although Becca has had an off day she ends up winning anyway. “We need to find something else to do. You never win.” Becca says there walking towards Shelby’s car. “No I like bowling. I like that your excited every time you make a strike.” Shelby says pulling out her car keys. </p><p>They get in the car and Shelby seems off while driving back towards Becca’s house. They couldn’t spend the night that night because it was a Saturday and Becca didn’t want to go to church so early in the morning. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Becca says right as Shelby pulls up by her house. Shelby looks like she’s trying to get the courage to say something. </p><p>“I don’t think we should do this anymore.” Shelby says looking down at there conjoined hands. She hadn’t even noticed that they were holding hands. </p><p>“What? What do you mean?” Becca looks very shocked. They have been doing fine the way they were. Shelby shifts in the drivers seat. She faces Becca. </p><p>“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” She clarifies. She searches Becca eyes for what she’s thinking. “Why all of a sudden?” Becca asks. It was a valid question but Shelby was to caught up in fear and her own sadness to answer it. “I don’t want to date you anymore!!” She yells making Becca jump. Maybe if she lies about losing feelings it will be easier. “I don’t have feelings for you! It- it’s over!” She didn’t mean for it to be so harsh. </p><p>“I thought we loved each other...” Becca sounds so sad and all Shelby wants to do is hug her. But she knows if it goes on any longer it will just hurt both of them. “I don’t love you.” Shelby says she’s on the verge of tears and it’s staring at the rode ahead of her. </p><p>Becca is staring at her. The next thing she knows she’s alone in the car. She looks over to Becca’s front door. She fights the urge to run towards it and starts the engine and drives back to her own house. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>A few days after that:</p><p>Shelby is getting ready for school when she gets a text from from a friend of Becca’s. When she reads it her heart drops. She’s never felt truly heartbroken before. The rest of what happens that day is a blur. Maybe she goes to school and doesn’t listen to whatever the teacher is saying. Maybe Andrew asks her if she’s okay and she responds with a pageant fake smile and a “yea of course.” She doesn’t remember. What she does remember is the scenario she created in her head. The picture of Becca dead in her car. The sadness she felt all day without one tear. That is what she remembers from that day.<br/>~~~~~</p><p>A year after:</p><p>Shelby has been writing letters to Becca. She keeps them in a box in her closet on the top shelf. She’s also been writing about her in her diary. It’s not as detailed as the letters but still has mentions of there relationship. She doesn’t think until after about the 100 different places she could have put that diary. How if her dad just hadn’t checked between her bed and box spring she would not be here. </p><p>But here she is in conversion therapy. She’s not allowed to socialize to much with her fellow conversion pals. But with the little talking she has had she knows that there not bad people. </p><p>Her dad says there evil. There sinners and should be treated like ones. But isn’t everyone a sinner? Aren’t we all just sinners living on this earth. Shelby finds the Christian religion flawed. </p><p>To many plot holes. But she’s grown up Christian. It’s all she’s ever known.<br/>She’s done research. Knows that the word ‘homosexual’ was not originally in the Bible. But still she struggles with her religion and how it fits with her. With who she is. She isn’t some southern pageant Queen who’s gonna marry her high school sweetheart. She never was. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby wakes up with heavy breaths. She had a dream about Becca. Becca and her were living in a small apartment. But they were either moving in or moving out. She wasn’t sure she just remembers boxes and boxes of stuff. Then she remembers suddenly being on the floor and Becca was saying it’s gonna be okay. </p><p>Then she woke up. She relaxes finally and lays down on her bed again. She feels tears coming out of her eyes and wipes them away quickly. </p><p>She thinks Becca was giving her something. Like she was answering Shelby’s letter in some way. </p><p>And with that Shelby nuzzles into her pillow and falls asleep to the thought that maybe Becca does want her to move on. And although Becca will always be in her heart. She was her first love.  Maybe Shelby herself is ready to move on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys I'm sorry i know it's been a couple days since I updated. I kinda lost focus for a second but I will be writing more because I love making this for you guys. It means a lot all of the comments I get from you all. I hope your having a great day.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Think About Her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni wakes up at 12 o’clock in the afternoon. She checks her phone and places it back down on the table. Although there relationship has been changing Shelby always texts Toni good morning. Toni starts running through last night. She should have at least made sure Shelby got home safe or something. She hates that her anger gets the better of her. </p><p>She stand up and walks to the bathroom. She has an hour before school. She turns on the shower and steps into the hot water. She like showering it’s sort of calming in a way but can wake you up at the same time. She finishes showering and gets ready for school. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby wakes up at 6 in the morning. She never really be able to sleep good and it’s been getting worse and worse. She already hears her parents down stairs quietly starting breakfast and making coffee. She ignores her phone. Not wanting to think about Toni yet.  </p><p>Shelby walks into the bathroom and turns on the shower. She quickly showers. Scrubbing her skin till it’s red. She doesn’t like showers. Showers give her time to think. Thinking to much isn’t good. After showering she puts on clothes and makeup. She walks downstairs to join her family at exactly 7:30 and is greeted with bacon and eggs. She watches as her dad is swaying her mom to some country Christian song. </p><p>“So Shelby anything happening today?” Her dad says giving her a kiss on the head. “Yea me and dot need to study after school today if that’s okay?” She ask. “Of course just let us know when your driving home okay?” Her mother says gesturing to eggs. Shelby shakes her head no. </p><p>Shelby gets in her car and drives to school after breakfast has finished. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Toni walks into school Martha following soon after. “Nora that Quinn guys is eyeing you again.” She hears from behind her. Nora and Quinn have been... flirting or at least something like it. They just kinda stare at each other in class. But they both seem to enjoy it so. </p><p>Nora just nods in response looking at him. Toni just wants to walk her up to him and help her out but she lets it be for now. </p><p>But it seems like Fatin has other plans. “Hey guys okay here’s the plan.” She huddles Toni, Martha, Rachel, and Leah into a circle. “Just because you have a girlfriend now doesn’t mean you can play match maker.” Toni says. Fatin and Leah told the group about them a week ago. Which just earned sarcastic shock and real shock from Shelby and Martha. </p><p>“At least I’ve got one.” She says slinging an arm around Leah. “Okay so the plan. During lunch I’m going to get lost Romeo over there to sit at our table. Toni I know you love sitting with us but I’m gonna need you to sit this lunch out.” She says grabbing Toni by the shoulders. “Sorry we need the room.” Fatin says giving her a weak smile. “Great your kicking me out of the table and I won’t get to see the magic happen.” Toni says. She actually doesn’t have anywhere else to go. She figures maybe she will try to get into the p.e class and shoot some hoops. </p><p>Fatin continues talking about plan with everyone. The bell eventually rings and everyone goes to there own classes. </p><p>Toni is relieved more than anything when she hears Shelby’s voice during the announcements. <br/>~~~~~</p><p>Shelby goes to her classes not that she can really focus on any. With everything that happened Sunday night all she can think about is Toni. She defiantly needs to talk to her.</p><p>She needs to talk to Andrew too. She hasn’t seen him all day. He usually avoids her when he’s still mad. She heads to lunch. She doesn’t really know we’re to go when Andrew isn’t with her. So she walks over to the girls lunch table only to find it full with two people she doesn’t recognize. She then realizes that one of them is Mateo. She hasn’t see him in so long she doesn’t realize it’s him at first. </p><p>She walks over to the group anyway. “Hey guys!” She says standing awkwardly. “Hey shelbs how’s it hanging?” Dot says. “Uh good.” She stand there awkwardly for a few seconds. </p><p>“Hey I think Toni wanted to talk to you. She’s in the gym.” Fatin says pointing towards the gym. She gives her a looks Shelby can’t place. She starts walking toward the gym. Even though she doesn’t really want to have the conversation. She doesn’t know how to feel.</p><p>Toni is throwing free throws when Shelby walks in. She looks like she’s been practicing hard. When Toni notices Shelby she grabs her water bottle and stands in the middle of the court eyeing Shelby. </p><p>Shelby not know what to do starts with something off topic. “Hot as hades out there.” She still holding her lunch tray which she then puts on the ground. “Every religion has there version of hell.” </p><p>“Stop Shelby.” Toni says she takes a final sip of water then walks towards Shelby. “I don’t know what your doing you ignore me all day and now your hovering.” Toni is clearly angry. Shelby sees it in her eyes. Shelby doesn’t know what to say to this. She herself doesn’t know what she’s doing. “I can’t drop this life I have created Toni. All these people expect me to be this good Christian girl.” Shelby can feel tears welling in her eyes. She can she Toni is having a hard time to. “My dad wouldn’t-“ </p><p>“Who fucking cares what your dad thinks?!” Toni burst out throwing the basketball across the room. “Your dad is a bigot who doesn’t want his daughter to be happy.” Toni is fuming now. “Get out.” </p><p>“Toni.” Shelby is about to go on when Toni turns and walks back to the center of the gym. “I said get out Shelby!” She can see a small change when Toni’s voice suddenly goes to a whisper. Shelby can just hear when Toni says “I don’t want to hurt you.” </p><p>Shelby collects her lunch tray from the ground. Still full and will stay full for the rest of lunch time. She takes one final look back to Toni. Who is now knocking over a ball rack. She’s quietly leaves before she hears a loud thud hit the gym floor. She spends the rest of the day thinking about the hurt she has caused. About how she knows how it can end. For the rest of the day she can only think about her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys I know I know I'm so so so so so sorry but I really went into a funk and I couldn't write. I'm trying so hard with school to write this but yea I want to continue. And I'm sorry I know I have people who love this so I will continue. I hope your having a good day! Love you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Hell is Other People</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leahs POV:</p><p>Leah wakes up to the now familiar surroundings of Fatins bedroom. She searching without looking for her phone that’s is blaring  an alarm she doesn’t seem to remember she has set. </p><p>She finds her phone and lifts her head blinking a few times to see through blurry vision the words “breakfast with gals”. She’s puts her head back into her pillow with a small groan. </p><p>She has forgotten about breakfast today. It’s Saturday and the girls have decided to make that there official ‘hang out’ day. No body is ever busy on Saturday’s. </p><p>She turns her alarm on snooze and turns around. She feels two arms wiggle there way around her waist and up her shirt. </p><p>“Fatin it’s to early for this.” Leah says faced away from her girlfriend. “It’s never to early Rilke.” Said girlfriend protests. </p><p>Leah turns around and is met with a sleepy Fatin. “We have to get up and go to breakfast love.” Leah presses a small peck to the side of Fatins lips. “Ughhhhh why did we decide to do breakfast.” Fatin turns to lay on her back. Leah then curls into Fatin kissing her neck and shoulder. “Same question I’m asking myself.” </p><p>“Should we ditch them?” Fatin turns to face her girlfriend. “ I know better things to do.” Fatin says which earns her a proper morning kiss. “Get up.” </p><p>They get up taking a shower together and walking into the kitchen for a coffee before heading out to the a local breakfast diner. </p><p>~~~~~</p><p>Leah and Fatin find themselves being second to the last to show up to the diner. Everyone is sitting down and chatting about some new student that has transferred. “He’s not bad looking.” Martha adds to the conversation. “Martha cheating isnt the way to go. “ Fatin says while sitting down. Leah takes a seat next to Fatin and Toni. “We’re just waiting for Shelby.” Dot says. “Well she better hurry up because I’m hungry and tired and need a coffee.” Rachel says when the waiter almost on cue walks towards the table with five coffees. </p><p>Leah scans the tables Rachel and Nora are sitting together. Rachel talking about how she’s signed up to teach kids how to swim. Nora is sitting and observing as usual. She notices Martha listening to Rachel. How she is absentmindedly rubbing something in the booth. Rachel is now talking more aggressively about how the kids can’t wrap there minds around some concept.  </p><p>Dot and Fatin are talking about some sort of promise they made to go to the same college. Leah has heard a lot about this and it is assumed she will also be attending. Which is something she is not sure of. </p><p>Then there’s Toni. Who is quietly sitting on the inside of the booth. She’s adjusting a bracelet on her arm. And fiddling with it and repeating the process. </p><p>Toni looks bothered. Not that she hasn’t been looking bothered for the past week. Every since Monday she’s been distant. She’s never been the type to really be a part of a conversation but she’s been more distant that usual. She’s stopped faked gaging whenever someone mentions a new guy. She’s stopped rudely dipping her fries in other peoples ketchup or commenting on how the school sucks or the lunch taste like cardboard. </p><p>Leah finds this intriguing more than anything. She seems not to be the only one that notices. Martha gives her concerned glances and dot seems to look over whenever the topic turns to something Toni might enjoy. </p><p>But Leah can’t get it out of her head. And she continues to wonder until Shelby walks into the diner. She walks in immediately walking toward the table and sitting down next to Dot. “My lord sorry I’m so late.” She says. Suddenly Toni goes stiff beside Leah. And Leah is now so much more aware of what is happening. Sure Toni and her have talked about it a little but there’s has been no other conversation besides the small talk by the pool. </p><p>Leah watched Shelby’s mannerisms carefully. She’s watches as the look her eyes goes from happy to something else when she spots Toni. She looks lost. Like she doesn’t know what to do with herself. But it only happens for a second and then she is perfectly normal again. </p><p>Leah finds out that when Shelby is bothered she does the opposite of Toni. Shelby suddenly perks up with more energy than she has ever shown. Talking with Dot and Martha and Fatin about all sorts of things. Avoiding eye contact with Toni completely. Toni glances up once and while but most goes through the breakfast silently listening to conversation. </p><p>“Hey I know we don’t really get chance to hang out as often.” Dot starts. “With half of the school year over and midterm coming up it’s harder.” Everyone nods there head in agreement. “Which is why we decided to make this are official hang out day right?” Shelby pipes in.  “Come on guys I know we’re all tired now but the fair has just come in. Maybe we can make this day more than a breakfast?” </p><p>Shelby says Enthusiastically. She has a lot of energy in the morning. “Who decided breakfast was a good idea?” Dot asks. Everyone points to Martha. “What I thought pancakes would be cool!” Fatin takes a sip of coffee. “Where never doing breakfast ever again.” Leah pipes in “none of us are morning people besides Shelby and Martha who has had three cups of coffee.”</p><p>“That was to much coffee for you.” Nora nervously pipes in. Martha looks at her empty cup and frowns. “Well? Is anyone gonna answer my question? What about the fair?” </p><p>“You really want to go to a fair? I mean all the grimy little kids and freshman trying to act cool with there girlfriends.” Rachel says picking at her hash browns. “Oh come on a fair is more than that.” Shelby says taking a bite of her own food. “Come on guys we got nothing better to do.” Dot says. “Besides if die from riding a sketchy fair ride we won’t have to take the midterms.” </p><p>“Will you buy me cotton candy Toni?” Martha shoots Toni and smile and does puppy eyes. “Fine but you better go on a ride with me then.” Toni says slightly cracking a smile. </p><p>They pay the bill thanking the waitress and walk out into the parking lot. “Meet you guys at the fair!” Fatins says jumping into leahs car. “Okay baby who we taking with us.” Fatin looks into the backseat with Rachel and Nora already buckled up. “The twins it is.” </p><p>~~~~~</p><p>Martha’s POV:</p><p>Martha spent a lot of her childhood years moving. Her father had a job that required it. So it was hard to have time to do normal family things. Going to the fair was one of those things Martha did not experience. </p><p>Martha is currently sitting in the back of Shelby’s car next to Toni. Toni looks like she wants to be anywhere else but here. Martha tried to ignore it. She focuses on the trees passing by for a few minutes until she can’t take it anymore. </p><p>“Hey are you okay?” She quietly says putting a gentle hand on Toni’s forearm. Toni gives her a small smile. One Martha usually accepts and goes forward with. But Martha can tell somethings bothering her. She drops it for now. Knowing in a car ride with her friends isn’t the time to bring it up. </p><p>~~~~~</p><p>The first things she notices about the fair is it’s loud. Loud and smells of too many different foods and horses. </p><p>But of course Martha being herself is happy to be able to experience this. “Toni are you sure you want to get butter on a stick?” Toni is already handing the girl a one dollar bill. </p><p>“You just ate.” Martha hears Rachel say. “Oh come on the only time I’ve ever seen this was on some old movie. “ Toni says taking a bite of her butter. She immediately spits it out in the floor. </p><p>Martha thinks about how Toni has never experienced this either. The way the kids walk around like this is the best place they have ever seen. How maybe this is the best place they have ever seen. The way you can hear the horses being used for pony rides in the back. And the loud noise of a bell being rung from one of those strength games. </p><p>Martha is pulled out of her thoughts by a yelling Toni “That’s horrible!” Toni hands the stick of butter to dot. Dot looks at it before taking a small bite. She finishes the butter a couple minutes later. </p><p>“Okay what do y’all want to do first?”  Shelby ask. Everyone quickly agrees to go on a ride that looks no where near safe. Martha is about to get in line with the other girls when Nora quickly pulls her aside. “Hey what’s up.” Martha says a little confused. </p><p>“Rachel is sitting with Dot. And I kind of get anxiety. Do you mind sitting out with me on this one?” Martha looks over at Toni who is already looking at her. </p><p>“Let me go tell Toni.” Martha goes to tell Toni which earns her a angry grumble and sits on the beach with Nora. “So do you know why Tonis been so angry the past couple of days?” Nora brings it up so casually.</p><p>The question comes out of nowhere. But Martha still answers honestly “ no she won’t talk to me about it. But I know it has something to do with Shelby. She won’t stop looking.” Nora keeps her attention on the girls waiting in the line. “I think she has a crush.” Martha looks over and sees Toni who looks up at Shelby every few seconds. </p><p>“What makes you think that?” Martha looks over at Nora who is already looking at her. “Toni is quite easy to read.“ she answers simply. Martha has seen Toni look at Shelby. And Shelby use to do the same. But they have stopped recently and Martha doesn’t know why. “I think it’s more complicated then that.” Martha says. She thinks about Shelby’s family life. </p><p>“Is anything worth it simple.” Nora says. </p><p>“I guess not.” Martha says. “Shelby’s family would never approve though and they both know that.” Martha adds watching Shelby talk to dot on and on ignoring Toni’s stare. </p><p>Martha and Nora watch there friends climb in to the rollercoaster. “Hell is other people.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys! Hope you have been having a good week! It's spring break for me so I wrote this chapter and will hopefully get another one in before it ends. I hope you all enjoy! I really want to get more Nora into this series cause I love her. I try to get all the girls in but sometimes it's hard. Also domestic leatin is always great! Bye 👋 until next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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